Butterfly

The week following Isaiah's death we all packed up and headed to our lake house at Grand Lake. We went with the intention that we just needed to be together as a family, be away from everything, and just *BE* together and learn how to be a family of 3 again.

We spent a little over 2 weeks there and looking back now, it was one of the best decisions we could have made. Lake life is so simple. We would sleep, wake up, eat breakfast and then we would head out to the boat for a day of swimming, riding around, and playing. We would end each night with cooking, having some wine, playing and then going to sleep early. We spent our time just focusing on Jackson. The past year had been so hard and time with Jackson had surely been limited. It was so good to love on him and each other. We had the chance to grieve together. Talk together. Spend time together alone. Whether that meant crying or not crying. This time together at the lake was so perfect.

I started noticing something interesting happen every time we took the boat out. We would get somewhere, anchor out, start swimming or playing on the boat and all of a sudden a butterfly would appear. The butterfly would flutter around the boat and just "camp out" on the boat. We would all marvel at the beauty of the butterfly and Jackson would run around (or swim around) trying to catch the butterfly. It brought a strange sense of peace when I saw the butterfly. Kind of like the butterfly was watching out for us.

The first 2 times it happened I didn't think much of it....when it started happening every day and every time we took the boat out it really made me start thinking....What if this is supposed to mean something?

As the days went by I came to expect that butterfly. And then it hit me. I knew it. Maybe this butterfly was sent to us by God and Isaiah to check on us, bring us a sense of peace, and show us the beauty of God and the emergence of something beautiful.

We asked Jackson what he would like to name the butterfly and he exclaimed, "Isaiah! Let's name him Isaiah!"

As hard as that was to hear, it was what Jackson wanted to call this butterfly, so...that is what we called him.

The end of the summer rolled around and we put the boat up to be winterized and stopped going out on the lake when it got too cold. We still went up to the lake during the winter, but the activities changed while we were there at this time of year. We stayed in and snuggled by the fire and watched movies, played games, etc.

This past weekend we went back to our lake house and took the boat out for the first time in 2011. We grabbed our bathing suits, towels and some snacks and set in for a day on the lake. We drove around for awhile and then settled on a new spot to anchor out.

As we all settled into swimming, playing and laying around all of a sudden Jackson yelled, "Isaiah's back!"

Hearing that, it of course, took our breath away wondering what in the world he was talking about. And that's when we saw it.

Our "Isaiah" butterfly was back.

A beautiful and welcome sight indeed.

My letter to Isaiah-One Year Later.

Dear Isaiah,

I can NOT believe it has been a year since you left us to go be with Jesus. In all honesty, it almost seems like another lifetime ago that you were here with us. But, there are these amazing moments that I remember that make me feel like you were just here.

In 12 months we have all changed. Your brother has grown up so much. He grew up a lot while you were here with us. I feel like I missed out on a lot of his 2nd year because we were always so worried about you and that is totally ok. You needed us. Jackson is such a strong, independent, funny, smart little guy! But one thing is for sure...he remembers you and talks about you daily and that makes my heart so happy. My prayer is that he will always talk about you. He brings up so many things that frankly, I can't believe he remembers. Like the other day, he brought up the many times we had "Stone Family Dance Parties" in our living room. He could name the song and the different dance moves we all did. He even brought up the "Bouncy Bouncy Zayah" that we used to say to you. I even found a video of us saying that and dancing all together. I can't even begin to tell you what it makes me feel like to watch you so alive and laughing in these videos. Sometimes I can't even bring myself to watch them, but other times, it's like I can't help but watch them. I have included a video in this post of one of those moments.

My hope in including this video is so everyone who reads this can remember you how I remember you. So Alive! So Vibrant! So Animated! I also ask that those of you who read this blog, please do not feel sorry for me. I ask that you be happy for me. Be happy that I am Jackson and Isaiah's mommy. Be happy, proud and faithful about the time that I had with my youngest son. In one year, I have found that I am grateful for every moment. Be happy with knowing that we are all ok. We have survived one year since losing you. ONE YEAR.

The number one thing I think we have learned in the 12 months that you have been gone is that you will forever remain in our hearts as an amazing blessing and teacher of the love of Jesus. You taught us so much about faith. Faith is believing in the constant goodwill of the Lord. And I know that our Lord is good. I know that he is righteous. And that he is sovereign.

I am so proud of how your daddy and I have handled everything. We made a promise to eachother the day you died to "stick together." To be on the same team and to not leave eachother's sides. You, my precious little one, strengthened our marriage into something I could never have dreamed. Your daddy is such an incredible servant leader of our family. You taught him so much about himself and I know he is so thankful for that. It is amazing when you are at your worst, and you have to find it in yourself to pull yourself out of the darkness and emerge as a light. Your sweet daddy is that light to your brother and I.

My sweet baby boy...how I wish I could hug your neck. How I wish I could see you now. There are so many moments that I call, "WWID" moments. (What Would Isaiah Do). Like for example, the other night we were playing catch in our yard...it was pretty calm and we were all throwing the ball back and forth and I had this vision of WWID do in this very moment. And I envisioned you running like crazy, laughing your head off and causing all sorts of chaos. I actually miss the chaos that you brought with you every where you went. You controlled a room better than anyone I know. What a politician you were! You could work every person you met with that amazing smile of yours. And that laugh. Oh Lordy be. That laugh is infectious.

I can hardly wait to see you again, but until then....please know that you are in my every thought and every prayer. I am doing pretty good. I am a different person, but I am happier with who I am since I had you. I am thankful for the blessings that you bestowed on my life. I am so very thankful for you.

We love you precious boy.

Love forever and ever and always,

Mommy

Happy Anniversary!!

Having a fab time in Hawaii....lots of relaxing, eating, sleeping, reading, running and laying on the beach. Pretty much paradise.

Happy 5th Anniversary to my honey bunny. There is no one I would want to go through this life with than you. We have been through a lot in 5 years of marriage, probably more than most people go through in a lifetime, but I am so proud of our steadfast love. You make me a better person and I thank you for loving me so well.

P.S. We make cute kids, don't ya think? :)

I regret I must end this blog post. The ocean is calling my name for another swim! Until next time, here are some pics of our trip so far....
Aren't we cute?


My view right this very minute!


This was called Artichoke Surprise. Pure goodness I tell ya.


-Lee Anne

ALOHA!!!!

OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS!!! I CAN'T EVEN CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT ANY LONGER!!!!!!!! I CAN'T STOP YELLING!!!! I CAN'T STOP WRITING IN ALL CAPS!!!!!!

GUESS WHERE HUBS AND I ARE HEADED TOMORROW FOR OUR SUPER SECRET ANNIVERSARY TRIP???????????

HAWAII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S GOING TO BE FANTABULOUS. I'M A LUCKY GIRL AND AM SO BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE!!!

ALOHA!!!! (I have always wanted to say that).

LEE ANNE

Mother's Day Weekend

Hubs was out of town for the middle part of the week so I had a date with this guy....



We then had a shopping date with Dee Dee and Sidney Kate...we just had to grab some pizza after burning all of those calories trying on clothes! Look at these precious kiddos...obviously having a serious conversation over crayons.


Love these two! Totally going to show this at their wedding some day.


Jackson had his last soccer game of the season and he had quite the cheering squad! His Nana, Papaw, Grandma, G-Daddy and Uncle Matt all came out to see him score two goals, one of which was a legitimate goal and not for the other team. :)


These boys are the sweetest things ever! They are all classmates of Jackson's at Westminster and I am awe of each one of them! They all just adore eachother and have shown such teamwork and friendship, always helping someone up if they fall down and hugging on eachother for no reason at all. Love these boys!


After an amazing church service this morning and brunch with my mother-in-law and my mom, the boys and I decided to spend the afternoon swimming in our pool. Here is Jackson doing his signature "How big is Jackson?" "So Big!" Pic....


These boys are so good to me! I had such a wonderful day and am so thankful for them.


My precious baby boy and me.

Love this day!
-Lee Anne

Miss Me?

Have you missed me?

Where have I been you might ask?

Well, having major tooth issues after my hours long procedure last week...which resulted in a root canal today.

Only me.

But, I'm taking it all in stride and I will be back tomorrow with a good story.

Until then, I will be dreaming and thinking about the surprise trip my husband is taking me on next week! It's our five year anniversary and he has it all planned out. I have no idea where we are going, but he has planned every detail out, even securing a babysitter for Jackson. Score! I posted some pictures from our honeymoon to get me thinking about relaxing on vaca with my adorable, sweet, hottie husband. *sigh*

Thinking about this impending holiday makes the constant throbbing going on in my mouth not so bad. Ok. So maybe it still hurts, but I'm pumped!

Be love!

Lee Anne