Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Marbles

I am a little hesitant to post this story, but it is just too dang funny not to. I am sorry if this offends anyone but this, people, is my life. (And it's a story I will want to remember forever as well)

For this story there will be a glossary.

Here it is:

Balls=Marbles
Penis=Willy

Sunday night Renzi and I were in our living room and Jackson was playing basketball in our bedroom. He does this a lot and will turn on the NBA channel in our room, drag his basketball goal in and will play for an hour at a time.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, Jackson came barreling down the hallway crying and yelling, "My Willy is hurt! My marbles are broken!"

After about 10 minutes, he calmed down and I checked things out. All looked fine and from the story I could gather, he apparently ran into the fireplace in our room and smashed his marbles. Poor guy.

He never complained about it again.

Cut to last night. Jackson was getting out of the shower and I noticed something odd. His entire left side of his marbles were bruised and swollen. I yelled for Renzi to come take a look and his reaction was one of which I am sure all of you males out there would have. He straight up flipped out.

"Marbles are serious business Lee Anne," he said. "We better call Dr. V tomorrow."

So, this morning I made an awkward phone call to the triage nurse at Jackson's pediatrician's office. She straight up flipped out too. "What is it with you people and marbles?" I thought.

We got to Dr. V's office and Jackson promptly told everyone in the waiting room that we were there because he "smashed his marbles on the fireplace and they were broken."

That was fun.

Then we got into the exam room and Jackson told Dr. V about his smashed marbles and that it was ok for him to look at them but not to look at his ears because there was peanut butter in them. HUH????!!!

That was fun too.

Dr. V's reaction was much like everyone else's and he immediately called a Urologist friend of his and got Jackson in for an appointment for later on this afternoon. Jackson got dressed and walked out yelling down the hall at Dr. V, "Thanks for checking out my marbles Dr. V!"

And the fun continued.....

We went to the Urologist appointment and again with the reaction! Jackson told this doctor all about his broken marbles. This doctor was concerned there may be a hematoma that was blocking blood flow and so he ordered an ultrasound.

Jackson was a total champ during the ultrasound and he and the ultrasound tech had a great talk about marbles and basketball. (Again, HUH??!!!)

To sum up this crazy story, Jackson has a hematoma in one of his marbles, but this should heal on its own. The ultrasound showed good blood flow, no constrictions and no permanent damage. The doctor said this is a case where it definitely looks a LOT worse than it actually is. Thank goodness.

Lessons from today:

Having boys is not for the weary my friends.

Oh and be sure to protect your marbles.


8 comments:

1ne Proud Mama said...

WOW! Poor guy. That sucks, but it IS comical!

B. Young said...

So funny!!! And not all at the same time. I really needed that laugh today. I never imagined boys could be so tiring :)

Dustin said...

New meaning to "The Stone Family", sorry for the poor taste in humor, Jackson is a tough one!

The Senator's Wife said...

Too funny!

Carrie said...

This story made me laugh and laugh. Loud. At work. So hilarious. You're a good mom.

Anonymous said...

This story is fantastic. Made me laugh out loud! Additionally, I am pregnant with a boy (I have a girl already) and this story just reaffirmed my concerns for parenting boys....consider me officially paranoid about potential marble issues!

Gena said...

This is DEFINITELY one for the story books! Boys are born with the innate knowledge that they must protect their marbles.

Summer said...

I had a similar incident with my little boy and his "marbles."

I swear every male doctor in the entire hospital had to come check out the baby with the big balls.

Ended up being a hernia that was fixed with surgery but you would have thought the world was ending the way these docs reacted.

Anyway, stumbled across your blog through a friend. I am glad someone can sympathize with emergency marble situations.