Bearable

This morning as I sit here with my coffee (two sweet-n-lows and pumpkin spice creamer), next to the fire as my sweet husband sleeps and my Jackson is in the next room watching "Max and Ruby Christmas," I am having an overwhelming feeling of something.

Gratefulness?

Thankfulness?

Nostalgia?

I'm not quite sure what it is.

All, I know is that there is one feeling totally missing from my normal feelings that I am aware of every day these days. There is still a sadness that is there. I have come to accept that this feeling will always be there. But for some reason this morning, the sadness seems a little more bearable.

I have heard this happens. That when you lose a child that the overwhelming sadness doesn't go away, but one day you wake up and the sadness becomes bearable.

Today just might be that day.

I have come to accept so many things over the last 7 months. So many awful things. But, I have also come to accept many great things as well. I am much more thankful than I used to be. Thankful for the good and thankful for the bad.

I was also thinking about my birthday which is coming up. I was born three days after Christmas. I have actually never thought of it as a hindrance, but a way to keep the party going after Christmas. And then when my birthday ends, I think about how New Years Eve is coming up and that is a way to keep the party going even longer. :)

But, I was thinking about my 30th year....how it was the hardest year of my life. I can see it in my face when I look in the mirror. I can feel it in my bones after a long run or a hard work out at bootcamp. But it also was a year where I grew in ways in my Faith that I never knew possible. I truly relied on God (and still do) to get up in the morning, push through and simply get by hard parts in the day.

As hard as this year has been, I still have hope for this next year and the years to come. And it all came to a head this morning when my sadness became bearable.

So, this morning I would like to thank God for my precious husband who loves me with every fiber of his being. He always has my back and I know sometimes that is hard to do! He is my rock and no one makes me laugh more than he does. My life is so much richer because of him and I am honored to be your wife and the mother of your children. Thank you for loving me for me. Thank you for accepting all of my crazy moments as just that. My crazy moments. Thank you for giving me the most amazing two little boys.

Thank you God for Jackson Stone. This little boy holds my heart in the palm of his hand and I am so in awe that he is my baby. Thank you for his sweet disposition and his empathy for others and for life. I get the biggest kick out of him every day and I know he was placed in my life for a reason. Even though he is just three years old he has taught me more about life and the life I want to continue to lead than any other person has. I love you to pieces!

And lastly, Lord, I thank you for Isaiah Stone. Thank you for the time that I had with him. Thank you for showing me what it means to truly give everything that you have to someone and still want to give more. Thank you for his smiles, his cries, and every breath that he took. You see, I feel like I am the lucky one that I got to know him as long as I did. In 11 months, (actually 9 months in the belly and 11 months outside), I learned just how strong you can be when faced with a challenge greater than yourself. I learned that my greatest life achievement is not the job you have, how much money you will make or where you live, etc. My greatest life achievement is and forever will be being a wife and a mommy.

I hope that everyone has a Happy Holiday season.

Much love to all!

LAS

Busy!

I have been a horrible blogger as of late. We've just been so dang busy! We have been to so many Holiday parties in the last two weeks that it makes me head spin thinking about them. Not complaining, cause I love a good party..but man, I am getting too old for staying out till all hours!

Here are some pics of what my baby love has been up to....

He's been to swim lessons, saw the Big Guy, went to the lake and hung out with his buddies, Jack and Bella, and he tatted himself up.

And lots and lots of other fun things, but I don't have time to tell you about all of them because I have to go get ready for yet another party. This one is at our house and it is for the wonderful Saxum team! I fell in the pool earlier while trying to clean it so that added a little extra to my plate for today. I am still cold.

LOVE!

LAS

The Band Perry - If I Die Young

My new favorite band...I am in LOVE with this song. Hope you guys like it too!

LAS

Fun times!

What craziness this past week has been! But what fun we have had! Here are some pics of some of the things we have been up to:

Jackson and his dad played a little Golden Tee....what form!

Jackson just "hanging out" at OU basketball practice with his cousins and his dad. He even got a lift from current OU player Cade Davis (who is now officially Jackson's favorite person this week.)











Mommy got in on the action playing a little one on one with my little man! He totally schooled me.

We went to visit Isaiah's Memorial and to give thanks for the time we had with him.

When asked what he was most thankful for this Thanksgiving, Jackson always replied, "For Isaiah." Totally unpromped. Total tearjerker. Everytime. Love my sweet boy!

We also went to Unpluggits to Cali-Kae's 4th birthday party. Jackson LOVES to paint!

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving in Clinton, OK with my grandparents and extended family. It was so good to all be together this year and to truely feel in our hearts how thankful we really are for eachother.

After we left Clinton, we headed to the lake for a fabulously wonderfuly relaxing weekend. Renzi, Jackson and I had such a good time taking walks, watching movies, fishing, eating and even laying in the hammock and reading. We are headed there again this weekend for our lake family Thanksgiving with the Nighs', Regans' and Stems.' I can't wait to get all of the munchkins together again!

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving and an even better week ahead!

LAS

Spirit of Gratitude

"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:16

Sometimes life does not go the way you had planned. Things happen, people change, people pass on.

I do not believe that God wants bad things to happen to us. I think it is how we handle these bad things that truly help mold who we are and who God wants us to be.

Each day when we wake up we have a choice about our attitude for that day. You can choose to live in a spirit of Thanksgiving in every season of life. You can give thanks for what you have received, but also for what you have NOT received. You can choose to live in a spirit of gratitude.

Living in a spirit of gratitude comes when:
(1) You recognize what you have already received.
-Are you in good health? Do you have a warm house and food on the table? Do you have friends and/or family that give you love?

(2) You bless another, in good times and in bad.
-Helping another will warm your heart in ways you never knew possible. When you are down in spirit, help another. It will surely help to show you that you have much to be thankful for.

(3) You give up anger about life and the way things are, or anger at another.
-To truly let go of ill will or anger about something or someone will give your heart and spirit the peace you are looking for in life. Forgiveness.

This is what our sermon was about at St. Luke's yesterday and it really spoke volumes to me. This Thanksgiving, ask yourself, "What do you need to lay down your strength for the journey?" "How can YOU live in a spirit of gratitude?"

LAS

Six Months

How has it been six months already? In some ways, I feel like it was just yesterday and in other ways it feels like a lifetime ago.

So much has changed in our lives, but one thing remains constant. God is good. All the time. And his understanding, no one can fathom.

While dilly dallying around on the computer last night I came across this.

The Old Testament prophetic book of Isaiah, with its 66 chapters, is a microcosm of the whole Bible with its 66 books. There is a definite, direct, one-to-one correspondence between each chapter of Isaiah and each book of the Bible. This is an amazing, if indirect, proof, of the sovereignty of God and the superintendence of His Spirit over the whole of Scripture.

Renzi and I struggled with finding a name for Isaiah. We couldn't agree on anything and nothing sound "right." When taking on the task of "Reading the Bible in 90 Days," we came upon the book of Isaiah and felt this overwhelming urge that THIS was the name of our son. How amazing that the verses that have helped us through this difficult time have been from the book of ISAIAH!

How amazing that I found this website last night on the eve of the six month anniversary since Isaiah passed away.

http://www.bibleprophecy.net/isaiah/

I think God knew I may have a little bit of trouble today so that is why he put this website in my path last night. I have read through it many times today and am reminded again that our God has sovereign plans for each of us. It is so hard, but I believe Isaiah's death has to be a blessing for the quality of his life had become unbearable for him. My firm belief is that he is now at peace and we can rejoice in the fact that there is a Heaven and he is now in it.

If you have a moment, I encourage you to go to this website and then read the book of Isaiah. My hope is that you find it as inspiring as I do.

At each of our meals we say a short little prayer and at the end Jackson always chimes in with, "And God Bless Zayah." So, today, I say Thank you Lord for blessing me with both of my babies and in the words of my Jackson, "God Bless Zayah!!!"

We miss you every day.

Lee Anne

Jack-son channeling Daniel-son

As a child of the 80's, it was my duty and responsibility to introduce Jackson to The Karate Kid. Enjoy the best one minute, twenty-five seconds of your week.