Off we go!

We are about to embark on a family adventure! We have rented an apartment in NYC for three weeks. First stop on our way to New York was to Markans to pick up Jackson. He has been staying with my father in law and mother in law in Maryland for the past week. I love love love that he gets to spend this one on one time with his grandparents. He flew all by himself last Saturday to Baltimore and has been fishing, swimming, going to Washington Nationals games, visiting with family, etc. 

Here he is saying goodbye by touching Renzi's face (I'm a face toucher apparently) before he gave his dad the peace sign and headed down the jet bridge onto the plane without so much as a look back. 

 

While we were in D.C.  we got to briefly see my nephews Miller and TJ and my brother in law Dave. My sis in law Ginny was working in Cleveland at the RNC last week and we missed seeing her!

 

 

While in Maryland we took a boat ride to St. Michael's, had lunch at the Jetty,  swam, ate, hung out with Ciney's daughter Chelsea, her husband Brett and their daughter Alaina and just had fun!

 

  

We had such a great time.

Tomorrow we start our adventure in NYC! We will take the train in and check into our apartment in the afternoon. Can't wait!

Seeing the light at the end of the baby jail tunnel.

Last weekend my husband, my youngest son who is four years old and I drove 5 hours to pick up my oldest son, who is 8 years old, from camp. He had been there for two weeks and we were missing him something fierce. After we picked him up and all got back into the car for the long drive home, we were all chatting, telling stories, laughing, telling more stories, and laughing some more when all of a sudden I had this feeling wash over me. 

We had made it. 

We had reached the light at the end of the long tunnel of baby jail.

Let me back up for a minute and explain just exactly what “baby jail” is in my terms. Baby jail means, you are locked into some sort of a schedule. Someone always needs a nap, is about to take a nap, or just woke up from a nap. Same thing with eating. Someone is hungry, is about to be hungry, or did not eat enough at the last meal.

Baby jail means that even though you may have a babysitter lined up for a night out with your spouse, you better watch your wine intake because when you get home, the baby will still wake up at the crack of dawn, or most likely an hour after you have gotten home from your wine infused date and you have just started your REM sleep.

And how about going out to restaurants or venturing out for a family outing? Probably not going to happen. And it always goes back to the sleeping or the eating that the baby has or has not done. Hence, baby jail.

Now, baby jail is not always a bad thing. So, if you are in the throws of baby jail, please know that it is just a term of endearment that I coined to make myself feel better at times when I was fully enthralled into baby jail. :)

Circling back to the infamous car ride I wrote of earlier…both my kids had actually eaten dinner when we stopped to get it, no one takes a nap anymore so no one needed a nap, and both kids can hold intelligent and decent conversations with themselves and others. You could not wipe the smile off of my face. 

We did it. We made it!

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love babies. I always have. But man. Babies are hard.

 I will be the first to admit that the newborn phase of babydom is NOT my favorite. I recognize my weakness at this stage and I’m ok with that. I’m much better when the baby can communicate a bit with you, or at least flash a smile at you every once in a while to let you know that you are not a mutant.

I will never forget when my oldest son was about 12 days old and my husband mentioned he was going to be going back to work the next day. I looked at him like he had 7 heads.

“What???!” I shrieked. “You are going to leave me home alone with him? How can you do that? I'm just a kid! (I was 27 mind you) What if he is hungry? What will I do? What if he cries? How do I make him stop? I’m not sure if that is a good idea.”

My sweet husband looked me in the eye and said, “Pull it together lady. You’ve got this.” (He then called my grandma to come watch over the crazy lady who was now his wife).

And he was right. I did have it. But I realized as the months went on in that newborn phase that I was not a good newborn baby mom. Homegirl needs her sleep. Or I actually do turn into a mutant as mentioned above.

I don’t miss the baby stage. And I’m ok with that.

What I do love is watching my kiddos learn and thrive with each age and succeed (and sometimes fail!) at whatever it is they choose to engage in these days. 

I love watching my four year old learn his letters and squeal with delight when he recognizes a letter and its sound correctly. I love watching him navigate friendships in school and finding what teamwork means on a soccer or basketball team. Watching him be frustrated and work through his frustrations makes my heart feel prideful.

I love watching my eight year old work on his basketball shots out in our front driveway until he perfects it. Then watching what he has learned from a camp or a coach take place during a game is like winning the lottery for me. I love watching him figure out the joys of reading. Watching him bring a book in the car with us, or find out that he woke up early to finish a book actually brings me to tears of joy.

Watching him navigate through what is right and what is wrong makes me proud. Even when he sometimes chooses the wrong way-I know he is growing and learning and that makes me feel like he can conquer things in life that will be tough with thoughtful consideration. 

You see the light at the end of the tunnel will come. Even if you are in the throws of baby jail, I promise you the light will come. 

But what happens when you reach the light at the end of the tunnel? Does that mean "it's over?" 

No, dear one, that light....

It’s only just begun to shine.

I have found you have to embrace the place and the light you are currently in-be it a crazy place, a chaotic place or be it calm place.

Embrace the place in life you are in and the light will continue to shine at the end of the tunnel always. 

And standing in that light feels amazeballs.

Oh...And the number one bonus to not being in baby jail anymore?

Poopy Diapers? Bye Felicia.

I'm Baacckkkkk......

It's been about a year since I last really wrote on this blog...I'm not really sure why I stopped blogging. Life seemed to get in the way. Busy with kids, husband, job, friends, family, etc. I guess. My husband asked me the other day why I had stopped blogging and I could not come up with a good answer. He has encouraged me to begin again, so...that is what I am doing. Beginning again.

Our family stories have been retold on this blog for the past almost 9 years. My kids love to look back on the books that my husband has made of this blog and they love to read the stories of their births, their birthdays and the day to day happenings in our lives during different parts of their lives.

I am committed to blogging again-some day to day happenings, and other topics I think are important. Just felt like I need to "put it out there," this statement of more blogging so that I might be mindful to continue to do so.

So with that...I'm back.

Jackson Stone is 8 years old.

My precious Jackson James Stone.

Today. You are 8. 8 years old!!!!!

How did that even happen???

You have had a wonderful year. You finished first grade at Westminster. You can read anything and everything. You are a whiz at math. You love science and experimenting on things we use in every day life. You just started second grade last week and I know this will be an even better year. You love school and always have.

You are such a good friend. You have such a wonderful group of diverse friendships from so many different activities in your life. I love watching you "hold court" over a group and keep everyone organized and ready for any game you all are playing. You have such a special and unique ability to bring people together to serve one purpose-all the while making sure each person feels just as special as the person next to them. My heart bursts watching you be a leader.

You love all sports, but specifically you love baseball, basketball and soccer. Your hand eye coordination has always been unreal and that came in handy this year when you started pitching machine baseball. You are an incredible batter and you can throw a baseball better than most kiddos your age. You can shoot a basketball from any spot on the court and you make about 99% of them-even at the 10 foot goals...which you started playing with this year.

You are still the baby whisperer. All of our friends with kids younger than you love having you around because their babies love you! You are so kind and gentle to them and you always show so much patience while caring for them. They all look up to "JJ" and I hope and pray that you will always remember all of the "little eyes" who are watching your every move. I know you will teach them all how to be kind and caring, a good teammate, and a good student.

You are the very best big brother in all of the land!!!! I have to pinch myself sometimes because of how much of a help you are all the time with Walker. He, of course, thinks you can do no wrong and I secretly love listening to him copy whatever it is you are saying or you are doing. I am so thankful for you my love and for always doing the right thing.

I want you to know that you are the joy to my life! You make me so proud every moment of every day and I love each stage of life I get to do with you. You make me smile and laugh and I love seeing your goofy side. I also love to watch you dance! You are incredible at dancing and I know you did not get that from me. :)

I love you to the moon and back and just like I say every night as I kiss you to bed, "I pray God's blessings on you always."
Love, Mommy.

Fun with friends!

School is officially out for summer here! I officially have a 2nd grader (what the what!?) and a 3 day (er) at Westminster!

What do we do when summer time comes??? Spend time with our buddies of course!

We are so blessed with some really great friends. I love my friends and their kiddos so much!!!

These kiddos have literally grown up together....just like their mommas!

I also love watching my kiddos friendships bloom all on their own. Watching them navigate relationships and be kind to their friends makes me so happy.

And of course....I love spending time with my friends too! I am beyond lucky to have so many amazing women in my life!

And I love how my different friendships from different times of my life can come together and everyone becomes friends.

Almost five years gone.

No one ever thinks their child will die. No one ever thinks it will happen to them.

But it happens.

It happened to me.

It is still so hard to believe that baby we lost would be almost 6 years old. He would have grown. Would he be taller than Jackson? Would they be best friends? Would his hair be straight? Curly? Dark brown like his dad or light brown like mine? Would he be a wild man, always running? Or would he be quiet?

Every almost 6 year old I see is now Isaiah-I look at groups of kiddos and I see him in the middle of them. I think about my friends with 6 year olds and I wonder if they would all be buddies.

As we come up on the five year anniversary of the day Isaiah went to Heaven, I have been thinking constantly about the friends and family who were there for us during that horrific time. Those people who came over without being asked. Who sat in my living room and just sat there. Letting me talk when I wanted. Tell the story of that morning over and over. NOT tell the story of that morning over and over.

Letting me go lay down in my room and be alone when I wanted. And when I ventured out of my room, hours later, those same people were still sitting in my living room. I clung to these people more than they will ever know. And I am not sure I ever properly thanked them. Thank you for saving my life. Thank you for saving my family's life. Thank you for just being there for us. Simply. Thank you.


I think about how far I have come in five years in my grief journey. I am in no way healed...I will never be fully healed. But I am changed. Forever. I think this sums grief up so well. 

"The reality is, you will grieve forever. You will not "get over" the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it.

You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same again. Nor should you be the same, nor should you want to."

-Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

How easy it is to look away from grief, as if it might be contagious, or too frightening to face. 
But you must face it. 
Do not forget that. Look loss straight in the eye. Take anyone who is suffering a loss in your arms, and do not let them go. Stick together. Lean INTO eachother and not away from eachother.

Life now is so much different than I could have ever expected or hoped for. I laugh harder, I love deeper and I try not to take anything for granted. Isaiah taught me that, he taught us all that. He taught me that God is good all the time. My prayer for anyone suffering a loss is to remember how much our God loves us and to make each day the best day of your life.

Super Walker and Baseball Jackson

Walker has been really into Super Hero's the past few weeks and it makes me laugh. I found this cape that Aunt Ginny sent the boys two Christmas' ago and he has been wearing it nonstop. I guess it has replaced the ski goggles. :)

As most boys do, he loves to jump off of things and give me mini heart attacks all day. He loves to get on my bed (no judging that it is not made), and JUMP and yell "Super Walker!"

It's really pretty cute.

And then, moving on to my 13 year old....oh wait, I mean my 7 year old. (Can you believe how grown up he looks in this picture??????) He started pitching machine baseball a few weeks back and it is so much fun to watch him play!

He has been playing catcher and 3rd base....but I think he likes catcher the best.

This one is loving spending time at the ball field. He has discovered the yumminess of ball park nachos (yuck) and ring pops. This picture was taken right after he licked the fence. #notajoke

And I had to share this pic because no matter how old my kiddos get I always want to carry them to bed when they fall asleep somewhere else. I realize now that I may only have a few more months of carrying Jackson because he is ginormous but I will do it as long as I can!